I really want to get into it but its difficult. It doesn't help have the time I want to write when I'm no where near a computer and in addition to that my personal computer went copute. (is that a word?)
No I think about a year ago I was the most together I have ever been. I was losing weight. I was confident in myself. I had my house and home in order so to speak and then WHAM the move happened. Don't get me wrong. I wanted the move. I prayed for the move for two years.
Have you ever wanted something so bad and then you get it and its like everything just goes crazy?
I have gone over it over and over again in my mind but its like everything changed the week of November 24, 2010. My weight watchers plan changed, my office changed, Justin's job changed, my lifestyle changed, my whole life changed.
I think back to that gross apartment we were forced to live in for months and I am so grateful for our Stratford house. The last 10 months have been unbelievable. wow almost 10 months. We are almost there.
I have gained about 12 lbs since I moved. It depresses me. Yes I sit here while my JET is at his sundyschool social thing and I just finished a swiss roll. EW. I just wish I could find that inner strength to be me again.
I don't like this feeling.
There have been some changes I have adapted to.
1) I don't pine for my house in pearl river anymore. I thought I would never get over that. I had visions of soaking in my big tub and hearing my the carpet crinkle under my feet on early winter mornings. I missed the quiet nights and the oak trees at night. The star filled sky at night on Hidden Oaks Lane while I did my( monthly ) walk. --- anyone want to buy a house????
I have gotten over it. My life is here. This is what I wanted. God gives you the desires of your heart right if you delight in him?? So why is it that when he gives you your deepest desire your deepest want that you have to go and make reasons to be unhappy?
Why am I unhappy. There are a few reasons. much more good than bad.
Work- I wont even go there. Lets just say that I feel like I don't fit in. I feel like I'm starting all over. I desperately miss my old co workers. sigh.
Weight Watchers. I just can't get in the grove of the new plan. I haven't really honestly whole heartly tried. I have a little but not full force try.
The house that is still for sale. I feel like part of themissing piece lies on 4/10's of an acre in St. Tammany parish. If we could just sell that blame house. I used to have so much faith. I do have faith dont' get me wrong. I know my Lord made a way for me. I know that he will come through. We recently had a couple try to do bond for deed again but this time we actually entertained the idea. We counteroffered, and then we come to find out they were victim's of identity theft. I asked God to take it away if it wasn't a good thing. I know that my Lord has my best interests at heart. He will make it right. I just got to use this as a time to grow in patience. He is building us up. But the mortgage payment in a house I have FINALLY severed ties in is becoming a ball and chain.
Thats pretty much all that I'm unhappy about.
So I think that tomorrow I will start a new. With work, organization, strength, focus, the holy spirit, and weight watchers all in tow.
What is the saying ? try and try again?
Romans 12:2 Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will.
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